I’ve been feeling so guilty about not being able to go to the gym one million times a week anymore. I’ve noticed a transition from going to the gym as my full time job, to maybe making it once a week IF I have time. And that thought made me feel super (duper) shitty.
The gym was my saving grace through being unemployed and navigating the pandemic. And now that I’m taking a step back it feels like a breakup?
I asked myself why I’m having these negative, shameful feelings around not going to the gym.
And I was answering like “oh, I don’t have time, I reallllly want to go, but it’s taking away from workkkk” and then I stopped *lying* to myself and it came out,
“It’s just not a priority right now”
And that’s okay. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s okay to break your routine. Even if that routine was the main source of happiness for the past year. It served its heavy purpose then, but there’s no need to hold onto it now.
I’m hyper focused on my cycling now and I love it. I am able to wake up and spend the first two hours of my day doing something I love without it feeling like it’s taking away from my other happiness, my career.
I’m fact, most mornings I’m on calls and answering emails while I’m cycling. All the birds, single stone.
I have never felt or allowed myself to feel fulfillment from my work. And now that I am experiencing it for the first time, it’s not an easy transition. I’m still very much learning what’s acceptable.
Yes, my natural inclination is to work all day everyday. And yes I’m painfully aware I’m not reaching out to friends and loved ones as much as I used to. And that sucks.
But i also know that this, like the rest of life, this is an ebb and there will be flow. I’m trying to be kind to myself and trust this process. If I sense that working is my priority and am experiencing new happiness from work, I’m going to allow myself to let go of old happiness. Make room for the new.
Don’t worry my tris and bis are still bustin’
Just somethin’ on my mind this mornin’